


A Fine Frenzy

by Peapods



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-02
Updated: 2010-08-02
Packaged: 2017-10-10 22:02:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/104794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peapods/pseuds/Peapods
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one ever really said it was the <i>drums</i> that made the Master crazy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Fine Frenzy

**Author's Note:**

> This is crack. You've been warned.

This Doctor is beautiful. Angular features and tufty hair and lean body. He's an exclamation point at the end of a really interesting sentence.

*****

Therapy is the most famous psychologist telling them both they're batshit insane and should seek some kind of drug to delay psychosis.

*****

They get a cat because, bollocks, they both need something that they can both dote upon and yet will be almost entirely indifferent to them. Much like they themselves.

The cat scratches up the TARDIS worse than any companion has managed and pisses in the wardrobe room.

*****

One night, they have both been awake for much longer than they've ever attempted--the last record was six months--and are punch-drunk and alcohol-drunk and laughing so hard the Master is on the floor, slapping it involuntarily as tears gather. Then they get in the Doctor's bed with water and the cat. If they weren't both dead to the world they'd both be appalled at the domesticity of the moment.

***** 

The Master likes Oolong and the Doctor likes honeysuckle-lavender and they both feel like this perfectly defines their relationship.

*****

The Master stops wearing black jeans. They're just a little too hipster to be acceptable anymore.

*****

Much of this Doctor is caught up in Rose Tyler--the Master is only slightly resentful. He imprinted on her, his regenerative energy channeled into making a perfect mate for her and his next regeneration averted to make sure he'd stay the same. At one time the Master might have torn her apart.

But he can't help but be grateful because his connection to the Doctor hasn't been this strong since they were young. And the Doctor (well, _this_ Doctor) can't be with her anyway, so.

Neener neener neener.

*****

The Master wakes one morning with a terrible nosebleed and the Doctor freaking out.

It's reassuring.

*****

The mattresses lay on the floor and windows, like sliding doors, surround them. Around them is amazing green and fog and they fuck slowly and furiously and coming is like the best drug. The Master straddles the Doctor and the Doctor holds back his own legs and they fuck and fuck and fuck.

This, they have to admit, is quite a bit better than fighting all the time.

*****

This regeneration likes it both ways. Likes to fuck himself on the Doctor's cock. Rotating his hips and scratching gouges into his chest and letting his dick bob free. Likes to get the Doctor up against a wall and shove his cock in his arse and just take. Likes missionary when he's feeling particularly perverse, tearing at the Doctor's head and shoulders like an overcome woman in some romance serial. The Doctor's favorite is definitely doggy style, long, delicate hands clutching the Master's hips and shoving his pelvis about obscenely.

Tonight--well, night was relative--they've let themselves get pissed on terrible wine and he's fucking the Doctor in what constitutes this vineyard's backyard. The staff have long left and they haven't even used anything to prepare but mental control--very tenuous in their state--but goddamn if it isn't the best fuck they've had.

Well, possibly excluding that time where they'd pretended the Doctor was a virgin for that ritual...

*****

His taste buds insist he wants pizza _all the time_. So, they travel time and space searching for the perfect pie. Pepperoni, pineapple and Canadian bacon, Isemnian toe nail clippings and black olives. Hand-tossed, thin crust, deep dish. Bagel pizza, french-bread pizza, Racnoss shell pizza. New (New) York, Chicago, Naples (the planet, not the city). Ray's, Boombozz, that little cafe with no name and a free bottle of wine with every song. Or snog.

When he finally settles on a sausage and onion from a chain delivery place, the Doctor glares at him for three days straight.

It was the first pizza they'd tried.

*****

"You assassinated the president," the Doctor says one day, as though it has just occurred to him.

"Which one?" the Master asks, bored.

"Ha ha," is his sarcastic answer.

"Look, you weren't going to do it, I've done it before, and he would have killed you."

"Your dearest wish at one point," the Doctor points out.

"I'm finicky," the Master says primly. "'sides, he was a prick."

"Still, _Rassilon_."

The Master smiles proudly. "Quite a bit more posh than a president of some backwash country on a backwater planet on the arse other end of a thoroughly uninteresting galaxy."

Well, no one had _exactly_ said that it was the drums that had driven the Master insane. Then again, he could just be a terrible person.

*****

The Master doesn't like to fuck with the cat watching. The Doctor mutters something about genocidal nurses and they dump his fat arse out before getting to business.

*****

The Doctor gets body-switched with some sweet young brunette and they pose as Rob and Laura Petrie for three days on a patriarchal resort planet trying to get the Doctor's body back. The Master wants to knock this body up in retribution. Mostly, though, he just wants to fuck without the bloody condom. The Doctor disapproves of both.

Sometimes, Time Lords should be better built. Or, rather, shouldn't have super-sperm.

***** 

"So… what did you want to do today?"

"Well--"

"Besides that."

"Has the thrill gone out?" 

"We're Time Lords, Master, we should be able to divert ourselves with something other than sex."

"But why should we?"

"No interest in travel, then?"  

"Well," the Master hems.

"Get on with it, then."  

"I've always wanted to see The Beatles in concert."

The Doctor stares.

"I like the song about the silver hammer."

"You would."

"As if you're surprised."

"More exciting that way."


End file.
